Just Another Disposable Commodity

In Canada, if you're not satisfied with the product that you bought or the service that you received, you have money-back guarantee subject to certain conditions. For instance, you can return a party dress you wore the night before to a party (provided you keep the tags), claiming that it didn't fit you right. (I know a lot of people doing this sooo shamelessly!) Or you can claim for the current week's sale price of an item you bought at regular price the week before provided your receipts are intact.

The overriding principle behind all of these, is that the buyer has the right to demand value for his money. And rightfully so. You pay for the services that you think you deserve and the products that give you quality.

Sadly though, this same mindset about "value for money, quality-consciousness" has been stretched to the point that it now transcends the value given to relationships, specifically marriage.

A couple enters into marriage with the same "contract" or "rights entitlement" mentality. They wed with certain expectations from each other. And when, in the course of the relationship, the expectations are not met, they have an easy solution.

Terminate the contract, otherwise termed as divorce.

Marriage is seen only as one of those disposable commodities.

"I'll scratch your back, and you scratch mine. Now that you can't scratch mine anymore, what's the point of continuing the relationship?"

"What we have is simply a legal contract, with each party having clear expectations from each other.

Easy way out. No strings attached. No need to work things out. No need to try harder or one more time.

Marriage is not seen as a covenant. God is out of the equation.

No wonder the children end up rebelling. Or drifting without a purpose. Or committing crimes at an early age. Or being left to the care of foster families. Or turning to drugs and crime. Or committing suicide.

Sad...



P.s. I am not condoning abusive relationships, especially in cases where women are on the losing end. What I am referring to here are ordinary cases of incompatibility and individual differences.

Way to Go!

Moms out there will agree with me that our greatest legacy is to be able to raise responsible, godly children. Sure, we are proud of them when they excel in academics, sports, hobbies or whatever they set their hands into. But our greatest joy is to see them imbibing the values that we taught them, to see them blossom into the kind of persons we want them to be.

The other day, my daughters and I had our usual night bonding in bed - teasing and cajoling each other, playing wrestling and pillow fight - when Danee the youngest, suddenly blurted out:

"Mom, my schoolmate always teases me. She says embarrassing things about me, and tells me she's mad at me", was her opening statment.

"How did this start? What names does she call you with? Are you sure you didn't start it?", was my reply.

"I haven't done anything bad to her. She just says she doesn't want to see me. She makes me uncomfortable", she explained.

I could tell that Danee is worried about the matter as she was almost in the verge of tears. Suddenly, I felt the urge to protect my kid. I looked intently into her eyes and told her very emphatically that the kid wasn't just teasing, she was BULLYING her and that she doesn't have to put up with her.

"I don't want you to be abused by other people. Tell her that if she doesn't stop bullying you, you're going to tell the teacher about it", I ordered her.

"But she's not bullying me!", she retorted.

"Yes she is. If you don't do it, I'll go to your teacher myself". I angrily remarked, a bit frustrated that she can still find it in her heart to defend the girl.

That was the end of our conversation and I thought that settled it, but a little while later, Danee approached me.

"Mom, I'm not doing what you told me. I don't want to make a big deal out of it". She sounded so convinced of herself now.

"And why not?", was my curious remark.

With a smile on her face, she blurted out: "Because I'm different. Because I'm a CHRISTIAN!". And she proceeded on to remind me that in the first place, it was me who taught her to always behave that way.

Whoa! I felt myself melting before my daughter's eyes. What a way to learn from a 9-year old!

And yeah, she was right. I've been teaching her all along about the virtues of kindness, politeness or simply walking in love. These are the things that will make her a beautiful person, I would always say. And here was a situation that called for the application of the very same values that I teach her. Unfortunately, I failed. Fortunately, she passed.

I can always justify that it was a natural reaction for any mother who wants to protect her child. But no matter what I say, one thing is clear: at that moment, I was like a child learning from an adult.

But I am proud of my daughter. She is truly becoming a beautiful person.